![]() Memory is malleable and traumatic memory, in particular, can be nebulous. I may never know the entire truth about what really happened. But it's the truth even if it didn't happen." -Ken Kesey, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest 'It's still hard for me to have a clear mind thinking on it. I wish I'd had more faith in my resiliency. I wish I'd noticed that I was already contending with devastatingly painful things about my past, and it hadn't killed me yet. My fear of retrieving lost memories - devastatingly painful things about my past - incapacitated me. But there is a difference between acknowledging that possibility and terrifying yourself with it. Repressed memories are therefore a very real possibility for those with dissociative identity disorder. Dissociative amnesia allows the sufferer to continue to function, and often even thrive, by moving intolerable information and experiences out of conscious awareness. ![]() Often that stress comes in the form of child abuse. ![]() Paolo Coelho, The Alchemist Repressed Memories of Abuse from ChildhoodĭID is a trauma disorder caused in part by repeated, overwhelming stress in early childhood ( Causes of Dissociative Identity Disorder). “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself." “My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky. I wish I'd known that tolerating ambiguity is part of dissociative living, and that it's possible to reconcile yourself to having DID without making assumptions about your history. I didn't want to believe that, so I rejected the diagnosis altogether. Because DID and unimaginable trauma were intrinsically linked in my mind, I thought accepting my diagnosis required believing that I had suffered inconceivable horrors, repressed memories of child abuse that were lurking somewhere in the recesses of my dissociative mind. One of the obstacles I encountered in coming to terms with my dissociative identity disorder (DID) diagnosis was the idea that DID is by and large caused by horrendous abuse.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply.AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |